she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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