That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
