how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
