told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
PANTIES FOUND
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