So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
