if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize