Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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