I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
