i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
