I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
