My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
