no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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