I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
