He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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