He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The Olympian is in my bed
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
