Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
