you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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