Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
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