Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
