im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
