I got chris browned last night
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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