so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
