listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
