Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
