Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
