ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize