Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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