You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize