If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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