I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
