I'm gonna have a badass scar
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
