Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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