please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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