i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
