And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She bit a glass in half.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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