i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
