also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
