I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
