he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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