Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
