We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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