If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
