you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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