If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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