I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
