I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
