now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Randomize
