I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
