My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize