Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
