i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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