I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I came so hard my ears popped.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
