Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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