Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize