Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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