Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
True strength comes from lack of pants
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
