The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
