Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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