lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
