Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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