you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
