It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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