You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm just crazy horny about you
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Never let your siblings swipe right.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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