u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
