This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
