Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize