see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
